


Lost Soul

by pandaselfie



Series: Rivamika [6]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Romance, F/M, rivamika
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 09:33:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10716768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandaselfie/pseuds/pandaselfie
Summary: Even though she was the one that was gone, it felt like another soul was gone as well.





	Lost Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Attack on Titan.

"Levi! There you are! I've been looking for you for over two hours!" Hange said as she saw Levi in his workout clothes.

 

"Then you weren't looking hard enough," he said as he gave the punching bag that seemed like it was close to falling apart another two punches, then he stopped to catch his breath and looked at Hange. "What do you need anyway? I'm busy."

 

"Oh! Erwin had gave you some more paperwork, so I thought I'd let you know."

 

"I'll deal with it later." Levi grabbed his bottle of water and chugged down the whole thing in about thirty seconds, then went back to working on his kicks and punches.

 

"And I also wanted to see if you were alright." Hange leaned against the doorway and watched as Levi gave the punching bag a right hook, then a left, and another right, while adding a kick here and there. "You seem...a little distant nowadays, more than usual."

 

"Wouldn't you like some time alone after going on an expedition and losing important members of your squad?" His punches and kicks seemed to increase in roughness, which resulted in hearing the chain that was connected to the punching bag make the annoying  _clank_ sound, but he wasn't fazed by it.

 

Hange was concerned about her friend. She knew that he had a special interest in _her_ , but he'd never talk about it when she tried to bring it up. "You miss her, don't you?"

 

Bad move. Levi continued to punch the heavy object in front of him, despite the fact that his knuckles were bruised badly and his body was aching from working out for three hours nonstop. Eventually, he stopped swinging and caught it with both hands, and all that was heard was Levi's uneven breaths. He turned around to face his friend, giving her a stotic look.

 

"Even if I do, there's no possible way that you could bring her back." He wiped his face with a towel that he had neatly folded on top of his shirt, then swung it over his shoulder. "What's done is done." The male started to gather up his things, and Hange let out a sigh, as if she was annoyed.

 

"You can be difficult sometimes, you know that?"

 

Levi ignored her, and simply walked past her as he walked back to his office, with Hange following close behind. He was getting irritated by the second, and if she said one more thing about her, he was going to lose it. He stopped as he reached his office and stood in front of the door, as if he was waiting for someone to tell him to open it.

 

"She wouldn't want for you to grieve over her death. At least, not like this."

 

"How would you know?" He asked in a low, but sharp, tone. "You knew nothing about her, Hange." 

 

"I knew that she felt the same way about you." 

 

Levi wanted to punch her in the face. He wanted to do that because he never knew about her feelings towards him, and the fact that she waited until now to tell him that important bit of information left him furious, but he refrained from doing so. Instead, he opened his door, then went inside and closed it. 

 

At that moment, he felt the same emotions that he was feeling when Farlan and Isabel died. Anger. Sadness.  **Guilt.** Levi felt guilty because he didn't do what his foolish heart told him, and now it was too late to turn back.

 

The short male walked towards his window, and sat on the windowsill, looking down at the wooden floor in his office. He let out a sigh, then looked up at his ceiling.

 

"Look, I know you're up there somewhere,  Ackerman, so just sit down for a minute, alright? I have something I need to say."

 

Levi let out a shaky sigh and he closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying his best not to break down and cry at that moment. "Damn it, I didn't think this was going to be hard to do." He slowly stood up, then started to walk around his office. "When I first saw you that day, I thought that you were strange, honestly. The way you acted when Eren was in any kind of trouble. It was like...you needed him for something. I was confused and angry at the same time, because you were always willing to throw your life away to save his."

 

He stopped walking, then leaned against a wall. "But on that mission, I had finally realized something. You were only willing to risk your life for him because you thought he'd do the same, right?" Levi looked up at his ceiling again, then shook his head. "Remember when I had to save you from getting hurt, which resulted in me getting injured and bedridden for a month? Well, at the time, I was just trying to focus on us not dying by that damn titan. But now that I think about it, that might've been the time that I took a special interest in you."

 

Levi didn't know that Hange was outside his door, listening to every word he was saying at that time, and it was probably best if it stayed that way because he might do something that he'll regret later on.

 

"I wanted you to know that you didn't have to stay strong all the time. I wanted you to understand that it was okay to let others in and take care of you from time to time." He walked over to his desk, then opened up the top right drawer, which contained things from people that he cared about most. Pieces of Farlan's and Isabel's cloak, the Wings of Freedom emblem off of his squad's jackets, his cravat that came from his mother's shirt, and a piece of Mikasa Ackerman's scarf. He picked up the red fabric, and rubbed his fingertips against it.

 

"Remember that conversation I had with you after that expedition?" He continued to stare at the red fabric as he spoke. "I told you that you shouldn't let you emotions control you. One day-"

 

_"-you'll end up getting hurt, and we can't risk that." They were still on the way back to headquarters as Levi decided to speak to her about her actions on the battlefield._

 

_She had her head down at the time, still angry that she let the Female Titan slip away from her, but eventually, Mikasa met his eyes with a glare._

 

_"Well I'm sorry that I'm trying my best to keep my only family member alive." She held onto Eren's hand tightly as he slept, wondering if he'll be okay._

 

_The Captain let out a sigh. "Can you at least do it in a way that's not reckless?"_

 

_"I wasn't being reckless, Sir."_

 

_"Then why did you almost end up being Titan food back there?"_

 

_Mikasa sent him another glare, then looked back down at Eren, who had steam coming from his head, signaling that he was trying to heal. "I'd do anything for Eren. Even if it means I have to put my life on the line to save his."_

 

_Levi looked ahead as he continued to ride on his horse, then looked back down at his subordinate. "Do you think that he'll do the same for you?"_

 

_"He doesn't have to. He's already done enough for me."_

 

_"Which is?"_

 

_"Convincing me that there is a place for me in this cruel world if I continue to fight." She looked over at Levi. "You can't do anything if you don't fight, so that's what I do."_

 

_"But what if one day...what if you get tired of fighting?"_

 

_There was a moment of silence after that, then he let out a sigh._

 

_"Look, Ackerman, I understand that you want to protect Eren. I get that. But he's capable of doing things on his own."_

 

_"I just-" The ravenette moved a strand of hair back behind her ear while staring at the sleeping brunet. "I just can't risk losing him. He's been there for me for years and I just don't know what I'd do without him." Her voice went soft as she spoke, as if she was trying her best to hold back tears._

 

_Levi couldn't find a good response to say to her after that. He'd thought it would be best to leave her to her own vices and focus on how the hell he was going to manage with an injured ankle._

 

"I should've said that I can't risk losing you either." He let out a long sigh, then closed his eyes. He wanted to have her by his side once again. It felt like he lost a part of himself when she finally lost her final battle.

 

"I should've..." The raven-haired male clenched the piece of her scarf with one of his badly bruised hands, then held it close to his chest. He slowly open his eyes once again, then fell down to the cold, wooden floor slowly. Levi stared blankly into space, as if he was watching something, or someone.

 

"I should've told you how I felt." He finally felt the warm tears start to roll down his cheeks. Levi told himself that he wouldn't cry, but it's either this, or working out for hours nonstop.

 

He should've continued to punch the living shit out of that punching bag, but he felt that the tears were necessary at the moment.

 

Levi had wiped away some tears, then looked down at the red fabric in his hand. "I should've listened to what my heart was trying to tell me." He gave an awkward laugh. "But I guess...I guess I that it's too late now." He thought he might've heard some faint whispers coming from outside his door, but he chose to ignore them.

 

He looked up at the ceiling. "You're probably glaring at me up there, aren't you?" The raven-haired male shook his head while letting out another laugh. "Well, you have every right to do so. I should've told you how I really felt, and I'm sorry."

 

Levi heard some more faint whispers, then decided to open his office door. He moved over a bit as the person who was listening to his conversation fell on the floor into his office. He gave Hange a death glare, then started to wonder if she was listening to that whole conversation.

 

Hange slowly got up as she was rubbing the side of her head. "Do you think she heard all of that?"

 

"I think she did." He looked down at his hand and saw that he was still holding on to that lonely piece of her scarf. Levi gave a sad smile this time as he said a few words in a faint whisper. "I still wish you would've listened to me, Mikasa."

 


End file.
